A well-crafted script can serve as a conversational guide, ensuring your list of wrong actions, apologies, and discussions for making amends are addressed and not lost in the moment. The script also aids in initiating the amends process with an outreach living amends message to confirm if the person is open to receiving an apology. This makes the script a powerful tool for managing things in a structured, thoughtful, and sensitive manner.

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The Big Book only mentions one clear-cut exception for the direct approach of step nine. That would be whenever you believe making direct amends will cause even more damage. Joi Honer directs the operations that support our alumni in their recovery from mental health and substance use disorders. Ms. Honer, who has been in long-term recovery for over 40 years, has worked in the treatment field for over 33 years.

Harm Reduction and the Stigma Within 12-Step Fellowships

Step 9 also allows one to practice the processes of self-reflection, accountability and making amends, all key components the next step, Step 10. By proactively and “promptly” admitting wrongs, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a lapse in unhealthy behaviors or a return to use. Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them. If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help.

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Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. You have to be honest with yourself about whether you have a valid reason to opt out of direct amends. Just keep in mind that you should never use the concept of living amends to run away from an apology. To help you understand what most people mean when they say living amends, we’ve put together a few examples.

• A well-crafted script can serve as a conversational guide, ensuring your list of wrong actions, apologies, and discussions for making amends are addressed and not lost in the moment.
• Towards the end of treatment, I was having panic attacks because I didn’t know what I was going to do, but then Any Length Retreat had me apply for the Living Amends scholarship.
• In giving, we receive and gain peace in a spirit once filled with remorse and pain.
• They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others.
• On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice.
• I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on.

Why You Need Self Compassion In Recovery

We don’t need to delve into the past and apologize for every birthday party we missed, every fight we picked or the years we were absent— either physically or emotionally. Adam Vibe Gunton is an American author, speaker and thought leader in addiction treatment and recovery. After overcoming homelessness and drug addiction, Adam found his life’s purpose in helping addicts find the Sober living house same freedom he found. Approaching individuals when they are open to dialogue increases the likelihood of a positive interaction.